Feriancova Petra: Chronology of an End (fragments)

2017

2.7.2017

She sticks her tortoise-like head out of her shell,

the shell could also be a hump.

Her eyes and nose are like that of a wolf or a fox. She does not have eyelashes, just thick eyebrows.

but also a very small jaw and teeth. -a ruminant-

Her neck is furrowed like that of a cow. She has a bird-like crop. Chewed through bull's teeth are just like hers.

Yes, the lower part of her face belongs to that of a ruminant and the upper to a predator, maybe just the nose is bird-like, as well as her calves and wrists. Her legs are long and skinny. Firm skin begirds them like a crane or a flamingo.

She only puts on weight in the stomach and face. Sometimes that face is like that of an owl. She also tilts her face to one side like a bird, and she can turn her head without tilting it like a bird of prey. But she does not move as quietly.

She gallops.

With her head bowed like wildebeest.

When she gets older she will become a complete animal.

Actually, she never looked like a human.

17.10.2017

She cut a few slices of bread and put it in the toaster, the thicker slice often gets jammed in and gets burnt immediately. The burnt smell moves upstairs and changes to a pleasant smell. Or is it the other way around?

She spreads a heart on the hot toast, it is a little slippery, but supple, the blood blackens from the heat. It is a bit like liver, greasy with blood clots, which she has not bought at the butcher's for a long time, because he did not like it.

He did not like the entrails, except the tongue and the heart. She did not know why.

The heart was pulsating and it was full of blood, he stuffed it in his mouth and chewed, it was hurting her, and she was especially afraid that he would bite into some tendon and pull it out of his mouth with disgust.

She sat and looked down at the floor. The water in her eyes boiled. Tears ran down and fell on her bare hands and her ugly stomach (after three childbirths it was ugly ) - strange, how quickly the water cooled down.

18.10.

Curious, right? She did not seek people out. They sought her out, and those who did were not like her.

Because she did not seek people out.

Lately there is no time for life. Or maybe that is how life is.

She though about it this morning, are we predators or prey? Should we always be on the watch-out? She was afraid of death, sometimes she did not know what to do with the anxiety, she reasoned with it, she stared vacantly into space, she was distracted.

I do not know what happened after. But people live, survive, and love each other, they are happy even during war. So what.

With time, I will also manage, hopefully.